Conflict

Conflict in close relationships is not only inevitable, it's essential. Intimacy connects people who are inevitably different -- as the saying goes, if two people agree about everything, one of them is superfluous. Conflict is the mechanism by which we set boundaries around these differences, so that each party feels safe with the other.
(Martha Beck, life coach, in Words That Matter by the Editors of The Oprah Magazine, p. 53)
18 November 2015

Relationships

Thinking About the Fires On The West Coast

Relationships carry power, power to do good or power to do evil.
One of the most spiritual things that anyone can do is to combat toxicity by avoiding it  or by confronting it.
(Cloud & Townsend, God Will Make A Way, p. 155)
23 August 2015

Attitude

Most of us bring to everyday life a somewhat naive psychological attitude in our expectations that our lives and relationships will be simple.
(Thomas Moore, Care Of The Soul, p. 14)
26 December 2014

Relationships

To be free of the past and completely experience the present, we need to heal all our relationships, including those with our parents. Relationships that still fester when we think of them keep us tied to the past; they keep us from living in the present.
(Perry Tilleraas, The Color Of Light, 19 December)
19 April 2014

Angry Words

Angry words are dangerous to your emotional and spiritual health, not to mention your relationships. So treat anger as an uninvited guest, and usher it away as quickly, and gently -- as possible.
(100 Days Of Prayer For Women, p. 96)
3 April 2014

Toxic People

Your best defense against the harm of toxic people is to be like David [King David of the Bible] and have a clear set of values that you live out with all people.

[When you do this] One of three things will happen:

1. The people who are good for you will respect your values, and you will enjoy good relationships with them.
2. As you take a loving stand against toxicity, you will influence some toxic people to change their behavior, and then you will enjoy good relationships with those people,
3. Some toxic people will remain in denial and move away from the light that you are living out despite your loving confrontation of their behavior. Your relationship with those people might even end, in extreme cases.

 (Cloud and Townsend, God Will Make A Way, p. 156)
1 February 2014

Dis-Ease

At the first sign of disease, or at the first word from a doctor that you may be seriously ill, your thoughts and feelings shift. You make a sudden movement into your mortality, which you have probably ignored for years. Life now changes radically. Relationships shift. The things that give meaning are put into perspective. You wonder endlessly. You discover new fears. You try to sort out what is important from what is distracting.
(Thomas Moore, Dark Nights Of The Soul, p. 267)
30 November 2013

Discernment

... practice discernment.

Relationships can get messy; people often harbor personal agendas and attempt to mask their true motives or to make them sound more noble than they really are.
(Leadership, John C. Maxwell, 15 July)
22 November 2013

Confrontation

Any way you look at it, confrontation is part of relationships...

(Cloud and Townsend, Boundaries Face To Face, p. 242)

21 November 2013

Until You Know Better

Until you know better, assume a person is innocent of bad motives or intents, and approach him accordingly. (Cloud & Townsend, Boundaries Face To Face, p. 100)

If you want to establish and maintain peaceful relationships with other people, surrender all judgments of who they are and who they are not. If you want your relationships with other people to be healthy and fulfilling, surrender your expectations and set clear boundaries. (Iyanla Vanzant, Until Today!, 15 December)

Speculating on other people's attitudes and motives is a waste of time and effort. To search out the reasons for your own is a voyage of discovery. (One Day At A Time In Al-Anon, 3 December)

11 March 2013

Attitude Axioms

Attitude Axioms

1. Our attitude determines our approach to life.
2. Our attitude determines our relationships with people.
3. Our attitude is often the only difference between success and failure.
4. Our attitude at the beginning of a task will affect its outcome more than anything else.
5. Our attitude can turn problems into blessings.
6. Our attitude is not automatically good just because we belong to God.

(John C. Maxwell, Leadership, 4 March)
4 March 2013

Detachment

• I will not permit myself to become emotionally involved in matters that should not be my concern.
• I will not interfere with the working out of another's difficulties, however dear and close we may be to each other.
• Detachment is essential to any healthy relationship between people.
• Each of us is a free individual, with neither one in control of the other.

(One Day At A Time In Al-Anon, 23 February)
23 February 2013

Inventory

Depending on how you look at it, it's either time for an end of the month inventory or a beginning of the month inventory.

An occasional review of our progress is an encouraging exercise, for it shows us that we are gradually learning how to live in poise and serenity.

At any rate it is a good time to look back over the month just passed to see what progress we've made and what changes have taken place in our lives as a result of practicing our programs.

• Have we given sufficient attention to our program?
• Have we done at least a little reading each day?
• Are our family relationships more serene and happy than they were a month ago?
• Have we renewed a strained friendship; or made good for an injury to someone?
• Did we make an effort to avoid gossip?
• Did we try to learn something new?

Make this a day of review and preparation for the coming month in which you will renew your efforts to progress in your personal development.

If you don't see any improvement in the month which just ended, do not be discouraged.  There are still many things to learn, one of which is, to accept yourself as you are.  Everything good we can bring about must begin with that.

(after One Day At At A Time In Al-Anon, 31 July) 1 August 2012

Point Of View

I should keep away from things that are upsetting emotionally. (Twenty-Four Hours A Day, 15 April)

It is ... difficult to accept that we have made some costly mistakes, poor decisions, and bad choices. (Iyanla Vanzant, Until Today! 29 March)

Indeed, this need of individuals to be right is so great that they are willing to sacrifice themselves, their relationships, and even love for it. (Renee Howe in Touchstones, 28 April)

I will relinquish the need to defend my point of view.
I will feel no need to convince or persuade others to accept my point of view.
I will remain open to all points of view and not be rigidly attached to any one of them.
(Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, p.64)
14 May 2012

Pay Particular Attention

Pay particular attention to those things that upset you or make you angry when they are pointed out. (Iyanla Vanzant, Until Today! 24 March)

How often we feel contempt for others when they do not respond in what we think is a fitting manner! (The Upper Room Disciplines - 2003, 11 July)

... the stuff you are critical of in others is the same stuff you don't like about yourself. (Iyanla Vanzant, Until Today! 16 March)

In relationships, it is quite possible to stay long after it is healthy or wise to do so. Just for today, be devoted to evaluating why you stay, what you must do to stay and whether or not staying is causing you spiritual pain. (Iyanla Vanzant, Until Today! 13 February)
4 May 2012

Compulsive Escapes

There are many opportunities for compulsive escapes from life through dependent relationships with:

• others, 
• money, 
• alcohol, 
• tobacco, 
• sex, 
• food,
• drugs,
• work, or
• emotional binges.

(after Touchstones, 28 January)
14 February 2012

Relationships

[Reflect upon your personal relationships,] especially any that seem psychically draining. ... end or modify those relationships so that they are less of a weight.  (Eric V. Copage, Black Pearls, 20 October) 3 November 2011

Healthy Relationships

"A community cannot survive on what it remembers. It will persist only because of what it affirms and believes." (Rabbi Arthur Hertzberg in To Life! by Harold Kushner, p. 297)

A "neurotic" is someone who is afraid to face reality, while a "psychotic" is someone who is unaware of reality. (Selwyn Hughes, Every Day Light, Day 135)

I must look among the healthy for healthy relationships. (Larsen and Hegarty, Believing In Myself, 24 May)

9 August 2011